


The Last Laugh

by Meg13



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Implied miscarriage, Sex mentioned, calming tea makes Hilda chatty, girl talk, nothing graphic though, personal headcannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 10:52:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16763704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meg13/pseuds/Meg13
Summary: When Sabrina catches her beloved auntie with the not-so-beloved High Priest, she goes to Hilda for answers.And Hilda happens to know a lot more than she typically lets on.





	The Last Laugh

**Author's Note:**

> new to CAOS, so characterizations might be a bit off. also, I doubt Hilda would so readily spill Zelda’s secrets but that calming tea will getcha.

Hilda looks up when the front door slams shut.

She frowns, forehead wrinkling in concern as she wonders which one of her darling family members is about to charge into her kitchen and unload their latest load of drama upon her. At least the calming tea she’d been brewing has steeped.

“Auntie Hilda!”

“Sabrina, sweetheart,” Hilda hums, greeting her niece by shoving a cup of tea into her shaking hands. “What’s wrong now?”

“I just…” The teen shakes her head and manages not to spill a drop of tea as she slumps into a chair with a huff. “I caught them.”

“Oh, dear.” Hilda slides into the chair across from Sabrina with a grimace. “I thought your beau was quite devoted to you, but hell knows young love isn’t always meant to last. Who did you catch him with?”

“What?” Sabrina sits up, confused by her aunt’s questions. “No. No, it wasn’t Harvey. It was… Oh, Auntie Hilda. I wanted clarification on an essay Father Blackwood assigned, so I went to his office. The door was unlocked and I –“

“Barged in without permission?”

“The door was unlocked!” Sabrina repeats defensively. “And Auntie Zee was… Oh, Satan. She was _straddling_ Father Blackwood and they were…” She trails off, shivering in disgust and unable to say the words aloud.

“Ah,” Hilda nods and takes a shallow sip of tea. “They’re back at it again, then?”

“Back at it?” Sabrina’s jaw drops, eyes widening in abject horror. “What does _that_ mean?”

“Oh, those two.” Hilda waves dismissively and sits back in her chair. “They’ve danced around each other for decades.”

“ _What?_ ”

Hilda opens her mouth to elaborate, but shuts it almost immediately. It’s not her story to tell, after all.

“Come on Aunt Hilda,” Sabrina groans, leaning forward to give her aunt a look of avid (and still somewhat disgusted) curiosity. “You can’t just leave it at that. Please?”

“Well…” Hilda ultimately shrugs away her hesitancy. She’s about due for a trip to the Cain Pit anyway; might as well make it worth it. “They’ve got a… A rather long and sordid past together.”

“Together?” Sabrina’s eyebrows arch impressively high. “Like, _together_?”

“Your Aunt Zelda isn’t nearly as innocent as…” No, she doesn’t need to go that far. Hilda clears her throat. “Yes, together.”

“Spill. All of it. Spill it all.”

“I don’t think she’d appreciate –“

“I just walked in in her screwing Father Blackwood,” Sabrina says bluntly, tilting her head. “I think I deserve some kind of explanation.”

_No_ , _you_ _don’t_ – but Hilda has ingested just enough calming tea at this point to feel a little less shamed by divulging her sister’s secrets. “Okay,” she breathes and glances around the kitchen. “But this stays between us.”

“Of course,” Sabrina agrees eagerly, eyes shining.

“Well…” Hilda nibbles her lower lip a moment, briefly unsure before throwing caution to the wind and leaning in conspiratorially. “Your Aunt Zelda was in her final year at the Unseen Academy when your father introduced us to Father Blackwood. They… took to each other very quickly.”

“But she was a student.”

“He wasn’t teaching yet, and she was technically of age.” She wrinkles her nose. “And you know Zelda. Once she sets her sight on something she won’t back down until it’s hers. I don’t think Father Blackwood knew what hit him, honestly. Never really stood a chance back then.”

“So,” Sabrina’s lip curls, “she seduced him?”

“I assume so, but don’t know for sure,” Hilda says and rolls her eyes. “You know I’m not privy to her personal life.” She sits back with a sigh. “Edward found out, of course. You’d think they would have been a little more selective in the places they chose to… Anyway, he wasn’t happy. Forbid them from seeing each other and sent Zelda off to London to complete her education.”

“He sent her away?” Sabrina frowns. “And that was it?”

“Oh. No, darling,” Hilda snorts. “We haven’t even got to the messy bit yet.”

“The messy bit?” Sabrina blinks and finally takes a sip of her calming tea. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked.

“The messy bit,” Hilda confirms, enjoying her niece’s discomfort. Serves her right, the little tart. “She stayed in Europe for a decade or so, and he was engaged when she returned. Not that _that_ stopped them.”

“He cheated on his fiancé?”

“Deplorable, yes. But Faustus Blackwood is not known for his faithfulness to witches and never has been.”

“His wife did call him a voracious slut,” Sabrina remembers, a fond smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she recalls the look on the High Priest’s face in that moment.

Hilda tilts her head and quirks an eyebrow. “It didn’t happen overnight, mind you. I think it took quite a while before they started back up. One day they could barely look at each other and the next, well… They weren’t nearly as discreet as they thought they were.” She sighs. “He delayed that wedding for years.”

“Years?”

“Oh, yes.” Hilda gives Sabrina a serious nod. “He was quickly rising through the ranks – only rivaled by your father – and Abigail was such a smart match. No one could understand why he wouldn’t set a date.”

“Why didn’t he just break it off with the fiancée?” Sabrina asks, frowning. “It’s obvious he loved Aunt Zelda –“

“Ah, ah,” Hilda interrupts, shooting her niece a pointed look. “Love has nothing to do with it. And, if I’d care to wager, I doubt either would call what they had love. Admiration? Yes. Devotion? Eh…” She wiggles her shoulders. “Attraction? Obviously. But love? Well, I’m not entirely sure either of them is capable of _love_.”

Sabrina shoots her aunt a pointed look, but chooses not to voice her opinion on that matter. “What happened?”

“Your father,” Hilda breathes, gaze dropping to the table as she absently fingers the handle of her teacup. “He found me in the family room one morning and asked why I wasn’t in bed. Well, we both know I’m not an able liar.” She glances at Sabrina. “He went ballistic.”

The teen sits back, blinking.

“It turned physical.” Hilda swallows, still avoiding Sabrina’s eye. “Edward and Blackwood were… _wrestling_ in the hallway and Zelda tried to step in. I don’t think anyone really knows who did it, but Zelda wound up being knocked back down the stairs.”

Sabrina gasps, eyes wide.

“I don’t…” Hilda hesitates, eyebrows narrowing nervously at the cup grasped tightly in her hands. “I don’t even know for sure if she’d told him about the baby yet, but...” Hilda looks up as Sabrina’s hand flies to her mouth. “Well, it didn’t matter after that anyway.”

“Aunt Zelda –“

“She was gone the moment the midwife cleared her,” Hilda barrels on, afraid she won’t be able to finish the story if interrupted. “She didn’t… She told _me_ , but she left without a word to Edward or Father Blackwood. And when he,” Hilda sighs, “showed up on the doorstep a few weeks later to officially ask for her hand…”

“No!”

Hilda nods. “It was a huge scandal. Maybe even the push Edward needed to clinch the High Priest position – a fact I’m sure Father Blackwood never forgot. Or forgave. He married the first Lady Blackwood a few months later. Probably just to spite Zelda and prove he hadn’t been upset by her abandonment.”

“ _Was_ he upset?” Sabrina asks, intrigued by this side of her elders. How had she been so ignorant of her aunt’s past? Of her epic romance – because she doesn’t care one bit for Hilda’s ideas on their capacity to love – and how heartbroken the High Priest must have been when Auntie Zelda had left him? Oh, sweet Satan! Maybe that’s why he’s such a dirty, underhanded jerk these days.

“Zelda says she just bruised his pride,” Hilda says with a humorless chuckle. “But I do hope a part of him was a bit torn up. Not sure which part, exactly, but he did get quite… uppity after that.”

“Uppity?” Sabrina deadpans, finding the use of the word to describe the High Priest ridiculous.

“He’d entertained many of Edward’s ideas before the incident, but after…” Hilda grimaces and shakes her head. “He claimed we should stick to the old traditions and debated Edward every chance he got.”

“Wow,” Sabrina breathes. “And what about Aunt Zelda? Is he the reason she never married? Never had children of her own?”

“She couldn’t.” Hilda frowns down at her empty teacup. “Not after what happened. And I think that, more than anything, was a big part of her decision not to marry.”

“But she wanted children?” Sabrina asks anxiously.

“Very much, sweetie.” Hilda looks up, and gives Sabrina a small, sad smile as she reaches across the table to pat her cheek. “It’s why she stayed away for so long.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, how would you feel?” Hilda asks with a humorous chuckle. “She _trusted_ Edward and Faustus. She felt _safe_ with them, admired them like no one else and they caused her the greatest grief imaginable. They took away the one thing she’d always wanted.”

“Poor, Aunt Zelda,” Sabrina breathes, shaking her head pitifully as she drops her gaze to the kitchen table.

“Oh, I wouldn’t feel so bad for her, love.” A sly, satisfied smirk tugs at the corner of Hilda’s mouth. “She does seem to have had the last laugh, after all.”

“Auntie?”

“There’s you. And there’s that sweet little girl upstairs.” She purses her lips and shrugs, and, as if on cue, the baby suddenly starts wailing. “She’s got one from each now, hasn’t she?”


End file.
